


The Words I Can't Say

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Muteness, it follows the manga really closely except... y'know.... kenmas mute and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theres a short pause, the the tightness in Kenma’s throat only thickens when he realizes this is usually when he is supposed to answer with his name. </p><p>His mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. <i>I’m Kenma</i>, he thinks, trying to get his vocal cords to move, <i>I’m Kenma</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Words I Can't Say

**Author's Note:**

> yeah OK YEAH I WROTE A MUTE!FIC FOR THIS FANDOM. OKAY. YEAH IVE WRITTEN MUTE!FICS BEFORE. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THat. IM SORRY. 
> 
> this follows the manga literally EXACTLY its the same thing i even use some of the same exact sentences from chapter 25 and chapter 29 which is why im saying this doesnt belong to me and those scenes belong to the manga. i just copied them and changed them to add to the story 
> 
> the only difference is that kenma is mute and gay. so. yeah.

It’s a sunny afternoon the first time Kenma ever meets Kuroo, a beautiful spring day with the air full of the lingering scent of flowers.

There are shadows of strangers surrounding Kenma, making his throat unmistakably tight. Unopened boxes are still littering the new house, and his mother had her hand on his back to keep him from running from the neighbors introducing themselves. Her hand felt like a hot iron pinning him to the spot, and it was continuously getting harder to breathe. 

A shadow not as tall as the other ones makes its way directly in front of Kenma, and when he looks up, he notices a boy around his age with terrible hair and a large smile. 

He sticks out a hand to Kenma when the younger boy finally tears his gaze from the floor, and the small arm held in a strong position that is obviously a copy of what his parents were currently doing above them almost amuses Kenma. 

“I’m Kuroo.” The boy, Kuroo, says when Kenma doesn’t make a move to shake his hand. “I live in the house next to yours.” 

Theres a short pause, the the tightness in Kenma’s throat only thickens when he realizes this is usually when he is supposed to answer with his name. 

His mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. _I’m Kenma_ , he thinks, trying to get his vocal cords to move, _I’m Kenma_. 

_I’m Kenma_

_I’m Kenma_

Tears run down his face as he realizes he can’t get himself to say it. 

_I’m Kenma_

Kuroo looks at him, alarmed, and the hot iron on Kenma’s back becomes unbearable. 

_I’m Kenma_

Tugging his mother's grip off of his back, he runs past all the tall shadows and frantically up the stairs, the tightness of his throat making it hard to breathe as he pants and shakes. His mother is knocking at his door and looking at him sternly, scolding him for spooking the neighbors by racing up the stairs to his room. 

As his mother looks at him for an explanation of why he ran out of the room, the thickness in Kenma’s throat is finally loose enough for him to whisper.

“I couldn’t say my name was Kenma.”

\---

The boy with the terrible hair, Kuroo, surprisingly shows up a week after the incident. His mother had made the Kozume family a stew, and he was sent to give it to them. While he hands Kenma’s mother the stew, he looks over at the younger boy, who is pointedly looking away. He was sat at the kitchen table, a book in his hands.

After a few seconds of hesitation and some encouragement from Kenma’s mother, Kuroo walks directly in front of Kenma again, and frowns. 

“I’m sorry for making you cry.” He states weakly, looking away. “I didn’t mean to do it.” 

He feels his parents and Kuroo’s eyes on him, and he takes a large breath, but his efforts don’t last. The tightness of his throat is an annoying reminder that he will be unable to speak. He makes a _wait here_ gesture with his hands, and grabs a piece of junk mail from the kitchen table and a pen from a drawer next to it, then turns the mail around to write on the back of it. 

_It’s okay. You didn’t do anything._ he writes down, then hands it to Kuroo to read. 

After a few seconds of him reading the paper, he looks up and shoots him a large grin. 

“I’m Kuroo.” He states, and hands Kenma back the piece of paper. 

_I’m Kenma,_ he writes down, _nice to meet you._

\---

When primary school starts for Kenma, it’s his own personal hell. After the first day when calling attendance, Kenma couldn’t say _”present”_ , and when other kids tried to talk to him, he could only shake his head “yes” or “no”.

This led the other kids in his class to avoid him, and when lunch came around he would sit at his desk alone, the familiar sound of silence almost choking him. 

The only good thing about his childhood during primary school was that Kuroo would come over after school almost every day, and the two of them would throw a ball back and forth while Kuroo would tell him about his day. 

Kuroo was a grade above Kenma, and though the two went to the same primary school, they never saw each other. This left Kenma by himself, sitting alone at his desk constantly and shrinking whenever someone would direct their gaze at him. Though he didn’t want to, he stood out. Other’s opinions quickly became a constant worry for the boy, and he was constantly trying to be aware of what others thought of him. 

The phrase _why can’t you speak?_ eventually became a nightmare to Kenma. 

Why couldn’t he speak? He just couldn’t. Whenever someone he didn’t know well directed their gaze at him, his vocal cords just didn’t move. They couldn’t. 

It’s not like he didn’t want to speak, he would do anything to be able to speak to strangers, he just _couldn’t_. 

Kuroo never asked him why he couldn’t speak, and during their daily tosses of what Kuroo dubbed as a “volleyball”, he always spoke without the expectation that Kenma would speak back. 

Secondary school is when things began to change. Somehow, Kuroo managed to convince Kenma to join the volleyball team, and Kenma began to regularly bring a notebook and pen with him everywhere he went to speak to others when necessary. 

At first, it became evident that the younger boy wasn’t even half as good as Kuroo was at volleyball, but it was still sort of fun to be on a team. He wasn’t particularly interested in sports, he preferred to play video games more than anything, but seeing as Kuroo was his only friend, it didn’t seem like there were many other options. 

He followed the sport into high school, and thats when he began to get thoughts of quitting. His peers in the grades above him worked him harder than the other first-years, and would ignore him when he tried to suggest anything with his notebook. 

One day when walking home from school together, Kuroo being a second-year and Kenma being a first-year, the older boy practically reads his mind. 

“You’re thinking of quitting, aren’t you?” 

Kenma averts his eyes, staring at the moving ground. He shrugs his shoulders casually, peeking up at Kuroo. 

“You have a sharp eye, and you also give accurate instructions.” 

The younger boy takes a deep breath, then stops walking to scribble down a few long sentences in his notebook. After a few minutes, he hands the notebook over to Kuroo.

 _But if I suggest anything to the third-years, they just tell me I’m being being impertinent, so I end up not wanting to suggest anything to them at all. Yesterday they forced me to run a lot longer than the other first-years again._

When he is done reading, Kuroo looks up. “I heard a rumor that Coach Nekomata is coming back. The third-years are going to retire soon too.” 

A few seconds pass and Kenma looks up from the ground to see Kuroo staring at him intently. “So don’t quit, alright? The current first and second years know how incredible you are. The team is definitely stronger because of you.” 

Without breaking his gaze, Kenma utters “Thanks” without even realizing it.

Kuroo and Kenma’s eyes widen simultaneously, and before the younger boy’s face even has the chance to redden, Kuroo breaks into the biggest grin Kenma has ever seen on him. 

Kenma’s throat feels tight for entirely different reasons than normal.

\---

After his first year of high school is over, Kenma’s parents finally take him to a therapist to see what his cause of muteness is. He’s diagnosed with severe social anxiety, which is what causes him to have selective mutism. According to his psychiatrist, this is why he can’t speak in situations that cause him anxiety, but he’s able to manage full sentences when he’s alone with his parents.

He’s able to speak with people he’s comfortable with, and the only person he is able to speak with besides his parents is Kuroo. 

His face is red for the entire car ride home for reasons he doesn’t really know.

\---

His second year of high school is worlds more interesting than his first. In the summer before school begins, he dyes his hair blonde, surprising Kuroo when he came over later that evening.

“Why’d you dye it?” He asks, reaching out to touch a lock of the now straw-like hair and making Kenma’s face flush. 

“N-no reason.” Kenma mutters, releasing a deep breath. Kuroo hums thoughtfully and gives him a mischievous grin, signifying the close arrival of an annoying comment. 

“For a guy that doesn’t like to be in the spotlight, this is a pretty bold move, _blondie_.” 

The grin only grows wider when Kenma huffs and swats him on the arm.

\---

Kenma’s world only gets bigger the day he meets Hinata Shouyou. He got lost on the day his team went to have a practice match with Tsukinokizawa High School and ended up waiting on a random street for Kuroo to find him. He kept his notebook in his lap in case someone passed by and asked him if he needed help, and decided to play a game app on his phone while waiting.

What he didn’t expect, however, was a loud redheaded boy to appear behind him and scare the daylights out of him. 

“What’re you doing?” The boy asks, running with a smile towards him. 

Kenma quickly opens his notebook and scribbles down _got lost_. 

The boy doesn’t even look at him questioningly, just happily reads the words written on the paper and looks up at him in surprise. 

“Eh? You came here from a different part of Japan?” 

Kenma nods jerkily, and there is an awkward silence between them for a few seconds. The boy eventually crouches down next to him, looking at the game he was playing on his phone. 

“Is that fun?” He asks, looking back up at Kenma. 

Kenma writes down _not really, it’s just a way to kill time_ and hands the notebook to the boy. If he were being honest, Kenma is confused about why the boy hasn’t questioned him about why he can’t speak yet, but he seems to be unfazed by it. He takes closer notice of the boy, and realizes his shirt says “Karasuno High School”, the team they would be playing soon. 

Ah, so he was probably in a training camp near here. 

Suddenly, the boy makes another loud noise and Kenma jumps in surprise. 

“You play volleyball?!” He practically screeches, and Kenma just stares at him with wide eyes. “Those shoes, they’re for volleyball aren’t they?!” He states, pointing at his opened bag. 

Kenma nods, and the boy grins widely. It strangely reminds him of Kuroo’s wide grin, but less mischievous. “I’m in a volleyball club too! I’m Hinata Shouyou!” 

And that was how Kenma met the fourth person he could actually speak to after a while.

\---

A few weeks after their matches with Karasuno, Kenma is sitting at home on a day off texting Shouyou about a new video game he bought. Kuroo is also in his room, as he invited himself over for dinner.

After his phone delivered the text to Shouyou, he sets it down and looks at Kuroo, who is laying on his bed with his eyes closed and his arms behind his head. 

He studies him for a little while, taking note of how much muscle he’s gained since he first met him years ago. 

“W-why did you n-never ask me why I can’t s-speak?” Kenma blurts out, then automatically wants to disappear. Sure, he’s pondered that question for all of the years he knew the older boy, but he never dreamed of _actually asking it to him_. Kuroo doesn’t look embarrassed though, just sits up and looks at Kenma thoughtfully. 

“I kind of understood.” He says after a while. “I could tell that you were scared of everyone the day I met you and you started to cry when I asked you your name.” 

Kenma’s cheeks inflame, but Kuroo just continues on. “And I also knew that you would be asked that question your entire life, and I wanted to be one of the few people that didn’t ask you it. I never needed to know the reason why you couldn’t talk, I just accepted the fact that you didn’t.” 

The younger boy feels the heat on his face grow worse, and though his throat is tight he manages to choke out a “You’re a good friend.” 

Kuroo grins at him, and it isn’t his usual shit-eating one. “You are too. You always were, even when you couldn’t talk back.”

\---

As much as people bothered him about the reason he couldn’t speak in primary and secondary school, nobody really bothered him about it in high school.

That was, of course, until Haiba Lev. 

“Are your vocal cords broken?” Lev asks one day, peering at a strategy Kenma was writing down in his notebook.

Kenma turns around and shoots Lev a death glare, making the other shrivel under his gaze even with his height. A smug laugh sounds from behind Kenma, and Kuroo is walking over to them with his usual grin intact. 

“You shouldn’t bother Kenma, he’s not too fun to deal with when he’s pissed-” 

“You’re pretty cool, Kenma!” Lev exclaims, cutting Kuroo off and effectively pissing off the captain as well. “You can be scary even when you can’t talk!” 

_I don’t need words to scare an idiot like you._

After Lev huffs in offense at the message, Kuroo sends him off to practice his crappy receives. 

“He’s right, you know.” Kuroo says, looking at Kenma from the corner of his eye. “You don’t need to spoken words to be cool. You’re fine without them.” 

Feeling the too-familiar feel of a blush rising on his face, he quickly writes _you’re so embarrassing_ down and watches as a snickering Kuroo walks away.

\---

After the first day of practice matches with Karasuno and the other teams, it’s late at night when Shouyou and Kenma are walking together.

“You’ve been friends with Kuroo since you were little, right?” Shouyou asks, tilting his head to look at Kenma. 

“Y-yeah.” He answers lightly, wondering where Shouyou was going with the conversation.

“Figures. He treats you different than everyone else.” 

“H-H-Huh? H-How so?” Kenma stutters more than usual, caught off guard. 

“Well, he’s smug with everyone and never really takes anyone that seriously. But with you, he’s still smug, but… it seems like you’re really important to him.” 

“I-I’m important to the t-team.” 

“Yeah, obviously, but he takes you very seriously.” 

“B-Because I’m the b-brain of the team.” 

“And because you’re important to him. As a person.” 

Kenma looks at Shouyou in astonishment. He still isn't sure about Shouyou's claims, but it sounds like he's really sure of himself. “W-When did you become s-so aware?” 

Shouyou grins, shrugging his shoulders. “A lot changes when you start to take volleyball more seriously.” He pauses, thinking for a moment. “Maybe you should ask him about it.” 

“W-why?” 

“Just cause. Maybe you'll learn something you didn't know before.” 

Kenma releases a deep breath, thinking.

\---

Walking back their bunks one night, Kenma decides to ask him about it. Shouyou’s words keep ringing in his head, _it seems like you’re really important to him_.

“D-Do you take me seriously?” Kenma says in a practically inaudible tone. 

Kuroo looks at him, surprised. “‘Course I do. You’re the brain of our team, after all.” 

The answer is somewhat expected, but it still feels wrong. It’s not what Kenma _meant_ by his words. 

“Am…” He trails off, caught off guard by how tight his throat was getting. Why, though? It's Kuroo he's around. The boy he’s been around since primary school. 

Why was he getting anxious around him now? It’s _Kuroo_. 

Maybe… maybe it was _because_ it’s Kuroo. 

“Am I important to you?” Kenma chokes out, the thickness in his throat almost making it impossible to spit out. He even manages not to stutter it. 

Kuroo stops walking, and the sound of the nighttime fills Kenma’s ears for a solid minute. Just when the chirping of the nighttime animals because unbearable, Kuroo finally answers. 

“Of course you are. Ever since the day I met you you’ve been important to me.” 

“I love you.” Kenma randomly chokes out before his throat closes completely, his face red and his anxiety up the roof. 

Kuroo smiles at him, and there isn’t a trace of smugness in it. “I love you, too.” 

And that’s that.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhh thank you for reading i'd like feedback and if you spot any errors please tell me! thanks !


End file.
